


Someone will love you

by Caitlin237



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Established Relationship, F/M, Getting Back Together, MJ has underlying issues, Michelle Jones background, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Relationship Issues, Spideychelle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 04:44:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17217212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caitlin237/pseuds/Caitlin237
Summary: When Peter wakes up to a note from MJ telling him she's leaving him he can't believe it.Thankfully, it doesn't have to end up that way.Based loosely on the song 'Sorry' by Halsey.





	Someone will love you

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy this mess of me in my feelings and midnight thoughts.
> 
>  
> 
> Mentions of anxiety throughout but thats about it really.

One year and three months. That's how long Peter Parker and Michelle Jones had been dating when it all fell apart.

 

 

 

Peter wasn't naive. He knew what they had wasn't the best relationship to ever exist, but for him it was perfect. He thought that whatever doubts she had about their relationship would have been brought up in earlier stages of their relationship, or even before that in their two years of friendship (of which, eleven months consisted of awkward, oblivious flirting if you asked Ned). Although Peter couldn't be sure if what had happened could count as being 'brought up.'

In the whole time they were together Michelle had never returned the 'I love you's that Peter sent her way. At first he had said it only in moments of intense passion, or when he wasn't really thinking, like just as they were hanging up the phone, or walking out the door, but he knew he always meant it, and even though she never said it back, he knew the feeling was mutual, or at least he thought it was.

Michelle never grew up in a house where emotions were expressed verbally. It was not that there was no love in the household, there just wasn't very much time to show it. Her father was high in the military, always away on assignment or kept late in the office. Her mother was also a very busy woman. Being a paramedic meant she had long, tiring shifts, meaning she'd sleep for most of her time off, leaving very little time or energy to deal with a growing child. It was for that reason Peter was never worried about the fact Michelle never verbally told him that she loved him. She just didn't know how.

Still even though she never said the three words he was still sure that she did in fact love him. It was shown in the way she would gently rub his hands when he became too stressed, or how she'd listen to him rant for hours about whatever idiot he'd come across on his patrols, even when she was visibly tired. It was shown in the way she woke him up with a mug of hot chocolate when he passed out from exhaustion while writing his college application essay so that wouldn't miss the deadline, then continued to stay up with him until midnight (because of course he left it until the last minute.

Her love was shown in the way that she moved all her belongings into his apartment when he first went to college (although she had a college dorm room rented out at her own university for the moments when it all became too overwhelming and she felt the need to escape). 

Peter also put her father's job as the reason that she had doubts about long term relationships to begin with. For most of her life she moved every one to two years. She never had that consistency that a child needed to develop healthy relationships with other children around her. Together, they joked that that was the reason she had taken to long to accept that her, Peter and Ned were actually friends and not just acquaintances that happened to do everything together. She was used to being pulled away from people, so didn't bother getting attached in the first place.

She was used to change. When things were stable for too long she got anxious and immediately would try and leave. 

That's what had happened two months into their relationship. She felt things were going too good and broke up with him.

Ned, of course, was his saviour in that situation. He'd managed to get Michelle to confide in him so she'd tell him why she broke up with Peter which allowed Peter to calm her worries and get back together. Unfortunately, his soothing words didn't seem to be remembered thirteen months later.

Peter wasn't naive. He knew things weren't perfect but he still wasn't expecting to wake up to an empty side of the bed, a letter left neatly folded on Michelle's side.

 

_Peter,_

_This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write. I want you to know that nothing you have done has made me do this. It is all entirely my fault._

_Having you love me was the greatest thing to happen and I can't believe that I have been so lucky as to have you by my side for the past few years. You are the kindest, most caring person I have ever met and I know that whoever you end up with will be the luckiest person alive._

_I'm sorry that I can't be everything you need, and however much you tell me you love me, I can never bring myself to just accept that without a million different doubts coming into my mind. Someone as amazing as you, cannot possibly love a flight risk like me, and I'm sorry I've let you believe that you can love me for this long._

_I didn't mean to get this far into a relationship just to leave it all behind. I'm even more sorry that you have to be the one I am writing this letter to, since that means you're probably going to end up hating me. But, I can live with that if it means someone who is worth your time ends up loving you._

_I know that you'll think I'm a coward for writing this letter instead of having a conversation with you, but I know that if we spoke, you'd convince me to stay and I'd end up hurting you further down the line._

_The problem with me, is that I can't accept when things are going well. There's always something in the back of my mind reminding me that eventually it'll all end, so I force myself to end it on my terms. I think that's the control freak inside of me._

_You've loved me like no one else ever could and for that I will be eternally grateful. I will hold on to the memories we shared together like the most cherished thing I own, because I believe that they have truly been the best years of my life._

_I am sorry for any and all pain this will cause you, and you may believe my actions are ignorant, but I do believe that this will be best for the both of us. I should have done this much earlier in the relationship but I was too selfish._

_I'm sorry for leaving everything we've built behind, I hope one day you can forgive me._

_One day you will find someone who you think is the best person to walk this earth and that someone will love you, but someone isn't me._

_Again, I'm sorry._

_Bye Pete._

_MJ x_

 

Not once had MJ actually said she was breaking up with Peter, but the message was painfully clear.

He read the letter three times just to make sure. He didn't want the words he had just read to be true. All had been so good the night before as they went to sleep. He hadn't even woken as she left. Hadn't had a chance to say goodbye.

He guessed that was her intention. Don't make it any harder than it already was.

He prayed that this was one of her anxiety-induced trips back to her dorm room but never before had she written a letter that sounded so definite in her actions. Normally, she'd be able to face him and explain the situation, before saying goodbye with a kiss and coming back a day or two later. Apart from that blip in the beginning she had never actually broken up with him. 

As tears slipped down his face he quickly scrambled for his phone to call her, only to be met with her voicemail.

"Em, I-" he couldn't form the words he wanted to say to her. He didn't even know what it was he did want to say. He hung up the phone.

He didn't even know how to feel. 

It felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest just to be crushed into tiny pieces. But at the same time he couldn't hate her, or even think of her as a coward like she had thought he would. He knew she was scared of any form of long term commitment. He knew that from before they even started dating. It was his choice to go into a relationship knowing this.

He could feel the self-loathing in her words. It wasn't her fault she had these issues. He should have helped her deal with them better. Maybe then she'd be here talking about her worries instead of on the other side of the city probably feeling as shitty as he was in that moment. 

Again he called her, desperate just to hear her voice, know she was okay. This time the phone didn't ring fully before going to voicemail.

The pain of knowing she was actively ignoring him was enough to cause a choked sob to escape his lips causing that to be the first noise she'd hear when she listened to this voicemail.

"Em, whatever is going on in that head of yours I won't try and understand, and since this is the decision you've made I won't try and fight it, but-" he paused. More than anything he wanted to beg for her to come back and speak to him, tell him she doesn't actually want to break up, but he didn't want to be that dickhead boyfriend that guilt tripped their girlfriend into staying with them.

"-but, I love you. However much you think I can't love you, I do, and just know that I could never hate you. But, yeah, just, I don't know, please call me, I just want to know you're okay... bye... I guess." As soon as he hung up he broke down into tears.

This was his first heartbreak. The first girl he had ever truly loved, the first girl he cared about enough to introduce to his aunt. He knew Aunt May would be devastated. Sometimes he thought May loved MJ more than she loved him with the way she acted.

She never did call him back.

* * *

 

Michelle had many doubts. Doubts about herself, about her future, her relationship. Everything. Ultimately it was these doubts which led her to make the hardest decision she had ever made. 

One day, she'd be perfectly happy with their relationship, then the next she'd be full of unexplained anxiety. The need to get away and isolate herself stronger than the need for food or water. 

Getting a text from him, or the knowledge that she would have to see him that day would fill her with dread. That wasn't the way love was supposed to be, she was incapable of love and unworthy of being loved.

It was when things were at their best that she would really let the doubts creep in. She'd feel the need to escape, and sometimes would just take off for a couple of days and cut off contact from everyone.

She hadn't meant to play Peter the way she did. She truly did care for him in all the time she knew him.

Michelle Jones knew what she had done was awful. She'd completely cut the best thing to happen to her out of her life.

 

* * *

 

Ned arrived at Peter's the next day to collect MJ's things. Peter thought it was almost cruel of her to send over their mutual friend, almost like forcing him to take her side momentarily.

It was also a cruel slap from reality that this really was the end. 

Never again would he get to hold her as they fell asleep, or kiss her lips, or laugh so much that ice-cream would dribble down their chins as they were supposed to be doing work.

When Peter tried to ask Ned how MJ was it was clear he knew just as little as Peter. All MJ had said through text was that they had broken up and needed her stuff back, and Ned, being the good guy he was, agreed to be the one to collect it.

When Ned heard from Peter how things went down he was mad. The thing with Ned is that he wasn't as understanding as Peter was, and while he didn't usually take sides, he knew how bad his friend was hurting making him protective of Peter, leaving only MJ to be mad at.

When Ned arrived at MJ's he expected to explode at her for causing his friend so much pain, yet seeing the mess in front of him, of a woman that he had only ever seen as strong and unwavering made his rage immediately die down. 

Instead he was just confused.

All he could get from her was that 'its for the best, I can't love, and he can't love me.'

He left her dorm confused, knowing that what she said was clearly a lie whether she knew it or not. Beyond a shadow of a doubt they both loved each other and nothing would change that.

 

* * *

 

It wasn't until three months later that the two had contact again. 

Peter had been needing to go to a book store in the city to get a specific book for May's upcoming birthday but had been putting it off in fear of running into MJ.

With it being her favourite shop, he had no doubt that she went there most days. She did while they were together, so there was no reason for her to change her habits now.

Of course with his cursed luck, whenever he chose to go, she would also be there.

As he entered he did a quick sweep to check she wasn't there, letting out a sigh as he didn't see the familiar curly hair, tied messily with a scrunchie on the top of her head. Allowing himself to walk further into the old shop he planned to make it a quick in and out visit, not wanting to chance his luck any longer.

Not seeing the book he wanted he sighed in frustration. He couldn't even remember the full title of the book so it wasn't like he could even have asked anyone for help.

Feeling a presence behind him he moved to the side, not wanting to be in anyone's way when he saw the familiar hand reach out and grab just the book he had been looking for.

"Here." She said softly handing it to him.

"H-how did you know?" 

"You mentioned that you wanted to get May this book the last time we were here together, and since it's her birthday soon..." She trailed off, not being able to meet his eyes. That must have been nearly five months ago and she remembered a passing comment he had made about some random book? He couldn't help but wonder if she felt the same way he did.

"MJ, I-" she stopped him with a shake of her head before finally lifting her eyes to meet his. "Please, I just want to talk to you."

"Please don't do this here Peter."

"Then lets go out for coffee. Catch up. Anything. Please Em, I still love-" his begging was cut off again by the shake of a head.

"Peter, someone will love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life, but I'm sorry, I can't be that person." The words felt like they broke his heart all over again.

 

* * *

 

 

She still cared, even after ten years of being apart she could tell you Aunt May's favourite song, and each year on Peter's birthday it was like she mourned the relationship she had given up.

\-----

It was at Ned and Betty's wedding, ten years after their breakup, that the two saw each other again. 

The feelings of uncertainty with commitment had left MJ long ago, and while Peter had had his brief flings he had never found someone to love him the way MJ promised he would.

As Peter saw MJ dancing with Ned, the song drawing to a close, he moved in beside them.

"Mind if I steal her for a dance?"

Ned watched as one dance turned into two, and two turned into three and so on. The longing eyes both had while sat in the pews during the ceremony were still very much present, and Ned couldn't help but feel satisfied knowing two people that were truly meant to be had a new chance to be together. 

"So" MJ finally spoke, breaking the amicable silence between them. Her arms were draped around his neck, while his loosely held her waist close to him.

"So." Peter mimicked, a soft smirk on his face.

"I really am sorry you know." He nodded.

"I know. I never hated you, you know."

"I know. I think I was wrong about something all those years ago." He could barely hear her over the music and the pounding of his heart in his ears.

"Yeah? And what was that?" He felt like all air had been knocked out of his lungs waiting for her next words, knowing that whatever they were they would still have a long way to go; but even the thought of getting to have another moment like this, made him feel euphoric. He wanted everything with her and more.

"When I said someone would love you, I was right, I was just wrong about that someone being someone else. Someone that isn't me. I regret so much pushing you away the way that I did, and I regret not being able to face my problems at the time, and waiting this long to actually act on the way I've felt since pretty much the moment we met." Knowing she was still struggling to say the actually words that meant so much, Peter saved them both from prolonging the words that were desperately trying to slip out any longer.

"I love you Em."

"I love you too." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, please comment and leave kudos if you did!
> 
> Check out my other one shot and multi-chapter fic (which I'll eventually update) if you want:)
> 
> This wasn't meant to cause offence to anyone, just written from my own experiences with issues.


End file.
